I dont know how to describe my current feeling. I just feel like I'm the lousiest mother!

Asthon has been ill for days. Monday visited SBCC at TMC, Medications doesnt seems to work. This morning went down again. And I was all alone... Bro sent me there via cab and baby reached there 30min later but he went off to work aft awhile.

Dr Ong suggested to admit Ashton but I rejected. He sent Ashton for a Xray. Lucky Xray report did not show any infection in his lung. But lotsa phelgm. He gonna use Nebuliser again until Sat morning, and we gonna bring him back for review again.

Since birth till now, I think Ashton has visits SBCC at TMC for at least 10x! The nurses all can recognise him and can memorise his name alrdy. I don even have the chance to say anything and the nurse asked me "Ashton mummy, Ashton's cough still not recover?"

My tears nearly drop when Dr Ong said Ashton needs a Xray! He is only 3mth+!!! I was alone, feeling very scare while waiting for Dr Ong to tell me the result. Dr Ong told me Ashton's windpipe is quite sensitive (same as me) thus easier to get those virus... But I'm glad that he is H1N1 Negative...

I hate it when I call up baby telling him to come down again immediately as Ashton needs a Xray and might need to be admit and he told me "BUT I just reach store..." Dont you think your son is more impt than all your stocks & work? But still, he managed to rush down, though abit late...

I always ask myself, why am I such a failure? Why my son is always ill? Seeing him coughing so badly really hurts my heart... Can I suffer on behalf of him???